"It's all about energy: What appears to be the bottom-line difference between introverts and extroverts is that social interactions are energizing to extroverts but draining for introverts. This is why I might come to your party but leave long before the conga line starts. And why a stretch of interaction then requires a few days of solitude to recover. If you understand this, you will have grasped a key quality of your introverted friends and their perhaps puzzling behavior (why didn't she come to the after-hours party?) will make more sense.
I am an introvert. I am not angry or antisocial. I love people its just my energy level isn't the same as most other people. Introverts are people who find other people tiring. Some people don't understand this. They label me as uncaring, bitchy, aloof, arrogant, rude and cold when I can't meet their needs.
There are many out there like me(about 25% of the population) and a lot of my friends are like me. I am going to try to help you get to know me and understand me." Here are a few excerpts taken from other introverts blogs and articles. They make for an educated read.
I'm not shy. When I'm in the mood to socialize, I'm perfectly friendly and outgoing. When I'm reluctant to socialize, it's choice, not fear. So if I decline an invitation, please don't push or insist it will be good for me. I have my reasons and they're valid. (At the same time, I promise not to say "no thanks" too often.)
Dr Irene S. Levine
When inviting the introvert to do something, give them a way out. Introverts don't always want to be out doing things, but it can be very difficult when they are expected to. Saying no, even though they want to, can make them feel guilty. http://www.ehow.com/how_4742136_be-friends-introvert.html
"It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig.
Perhaps the hardest thing for extraverts to understand about introverts is that someone could actually want to be alone. Not because they don’t like to have fun, or because they hate people, but just because they prefer their internal world, and they need to return to it to be energized. If someone doesn’t want to hang out with you, don’t try to push them, because they just need their “me” time
"I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests.....The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."" Jonathan Rauch “Caring for Your Introvert”
"Introverts want to have friends – at least most of us do, even if it’s only a couple good friends. We’re not really into the idea of collecting a long list of names just for the sake of knowing lots of people. We prefer to cultivate a few quality friendships, even if we have a wide circle of acquaintances (for extroverts, acquaintances are friends; for introverts, acquaintances are acquaintances)." Lee Ann Lambert
"And a lot of you have said you feel the same. Introverts don't do phone if we can help it.
We enjoy dinner with one or two or a few friends. I don't care if it's a fancy place; it's all about the conversation over a meal and some wine. I also like doing lunch. It's a good way to keep in touch with people and it's rarely longer than an hour or two.
road trips, alone or with anyone who is capable of long stretches of silence. In a car on the road, I am insulated from anyone who might pester me or make demands or natter. The view is ever-changing and something about the motion sends my thoughts down all sorts of interesting paths.
I'm bored by boring people. I'm bored by long stories about people I don't know, by hollow chit-chat, by anyone whose idea of conversation is a monologue. " Sophia Dembling
"As much as I like people and being with them, I’m not energized by them; sooner or later I turn into a pumpkin and go off to have time by myself, in order to recenter and hit the “reset” button, and to be presentable to other human beings once more. Which is to say the way I energize is to spend time by myself, which is a classic introvert thing." John Scalzi
Acceptance: Validate her need for distance without taking it as rejection.
"However, if an introvert ever gets into a discussion about a topic that he or she has a particular interest in, then his or her internal machinations may be externalized. Such a discussion may be quite beneficial, functional, deep, involved, emotional, etc. The tendency amongst introverts is to have discussions of the most meaningful sort --otherwise, no discussion at all is preferred. From an introvert's point of view, most other discussions are simply "chatter".
If you are with a talkative group of extroverts, then you and the group can and should be comfortable with your silence. The space for this possibility can be createdis by making sure the group knows you and that you are not being silent out of hostility." George Hernandez
When an extravert sees you reading, writing, or maybe just thinking, they might assume that the only reason you’d do this is because you don’t have someone to talk to. So they think they’re doing you a favor by striking up a conversation, when they’re actually interrupting.
No matter how fabulous a person you are, keep in mind that introverts simply prefer their internal world to the external world. They might start off with a fully charged battery, but while they’re engaged in conversation, that battery is steadily draining. How long it lasts depends on various factors, but be sure to keep an eye out for when they’re starting to lose interest. Be more to the point with introverts.
The enjoyment of and a preference for solitude is an introvert behavior that many extroverts can't understand. I can, and have, gone for days without so much as speaking to someone on the phone. I don't know how long I could go before I would seek outside contact. My life requires contact. But I would say probably 2 weeks. http://www.thoughtful-self-improvement.com/Introvert-Extrovert.html
- Discuss with the introvert any negative feelings that arise from lack of communication, especially if the introvert is more isolated than you. You may indeed feel ignored. Both parties can learn from each other and repeated discussions may be necessary.
- Try to reach a compromise with the introvert on entertainment issues. An introvert is unlikely to become a social butterfly, but if they rarely accompany you to important events or even a monthly night out, work on a better arrangement. http://www.ehow.com/how_2178755_live-introvert.html
I enjoy social get togethers, but I can only take so much. After a certain amount of time, I'm done. It drains me & in order to get my energy back, I need some time alone. When we've scheduled too much time with friends & family and I haven't allowed for down time, I get super grouchy. When I haven't had time to recharge, I don't really want to be touched & I don't want my kids climbing all over me. Sometimes I feel like a mean, horrible person, but I can't help it. I need just a little bit of time to myself & I feel much more sane, much more energized & I'm ready to love & care for my family again. http://candacetodd.blogspot.com/2010/02/introvertthatd-be-me.html
Bottom line I like to socialize and I love my friends. When my energy reserves are up I'm all for go go go and party hardy ... However when I say "no " it's not because I reject you or don' t like you it's because I'm physically or mentally exhausted. I'll get out with you once I've recharged. Please keep inviting even if you find it frustrating. I like to be told ahead of time so I can see how my energy level is. I don't like talking on the phone for long periods of time if you live near me because I find it wasteful when we could be chatting at my house (or yours) over coffee while I putter around. I prefer texting, but please don't take it personally if I don't reply right back. I will once I've thought of the right reply or once I get out of work. My perfect relaxing evening is to be at home recharging by working on reading or writing on the computer with good food and a glass of wine. I am a deep thinker and I do get distracted by thoughts if the conversation turns to trivial things or too much personal problem sharing. I'm a great listener, but I will get frustrated if you run me over when I try to speak. I have made it a goal in life to stay positive and not impose my will on others. I expect the same in return. The people who are my close friends understand this and love me for the things I bring into our relationship. My extroverted friends are very valuable to me as they are the spice in my life that keeps me from being too disconnected from the world. So in the end it's all about energy and balance. as one person put it we're like rechargeable batteries ... on full charge we can go but we run down once run down we take time to recharge and get right back on the track again.
Remember no matter what I love you all !
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch
http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/category/loneliness/
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